Malice in Wonderland #1: Alice the Assassin

Malice in Wonderland #1: Alice the Assassin

Lotus Rose

Young Adult / Humor and Comedy / Science Fiction & Fantasy

One day after years of unpleasantness, Alice loses her heart. Literally. Well, technically someone steals it. And she has to get it back. By any means necessary. And it’s a lot easier to be ruthless now that she’s heartless. She will have her heart returned to her even if she has to kill all the citizens of Wonderland one by one... By the author of The Poniworld Chronicles and SinEaster.It’s a lot easier to be ruthless when you’re heartless. . . The truth is not what you were led to believe. Alice never left Wonderland. It wasn’t all “just a dream.” It’s a nightmare. A nightmare she can’t escape, where formerly pleasant characters throw her unhappy unbirthday parties to torment her, while others like to make her cry so they can lick her tears. But one day after years of this unpleasantness, she loses her heart. Literally. Well, technically someone steals it. And she has to get it back. By any means necessary. And it’s a lot easier to be ruthless now that she’s heartless. She will have her heart returned to her even if she has to kill all the citizens of Wonderland one by one... By the author of The Poniworld Chronicles and SinEaster.
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MachoPoni: A Prance with Death (Poniworld Chronicles #1)

MachoPoni: A Prance with Death (Poniworld Chronicles #1)

Lotus Rose

Young Adult / Humor and Comedy / Science Fiction & Fantasy

In the first book of the Poniworld Chronicles, MachoPoni has no choice but to enter the Dark Kingdom, where the undead ponies roam. He must rescue Dust, the poni he loves from the dark princess's castle, using wit, creativity and his magic bouncy blue ball to survive. A twisted parody of My Little Pony, The Care Bears, and other 80's staples. Warning: contains gore and mild sexual content.In this children's book for adults, MachoPoni has no choice but to enter the Dark Kingdom, where the undead ponies roam. He must rescue Dust, the poni he loves from the dark princess's castle, using wit, creativity and his magic bouncy blue ball to survive. A twisted parody of My Little Pony, The Care Bears, and other 80's staples. Warning: contains gore and mild sexual content.The Poniworld Chronicles~~*~MachoPoni: A Prance With Death~*~Mein Poni-Kampf: A Biography of the Leader of the Nazi Ponies~*~My Brootal Poni: A Very Butch Poni Tale~*~Dust in Your Eyes: An Erotic Poni Tale
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SinEaster: A Novel

SinEaster: A Novel

Lotus Rose

Young Adult / Humor and Comedy / Science Fiction & Fantasy

Like a naughty Easter version of The Nightmare Before Christmas mixed with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... On the day before her 18th birthday, Charlee wasn't expecting to be transported to Easter Land. A princess informs her she must compete to decide which of three creatures will be the future egg deliverer. But a man tied to a dark holiday known as SinEaster is also aware of her arrival.Like a naughty Easter version of The Nightmare Before Christmas mixed with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. . .Don't let her habit of constantly wearing bunny ears fool you. Charlee hates Easter. And she has good reason to. So, on the day before her 18th birthday, she wasn't expecting to meet the Easter Bunny, a person-sized gummi egg, and a large toad. But that's what happens when she and two other teenagers are transported to Easter Land. Charlee ponders the teenage girl made out of gummi with huge boobs, and the teenage boy in a wheelchair with an overdeveloped upper body.A black-clad princess informs them that they must compete to decide which of the three creatures will be the future egg deliverer. But a mysterious man tied to a dark holiday known as SinEaster is also aware of the teens' arrival.Some say that in the days of prophesy, SinEaster will destroy Easter. Will Easter go on as usual, or will it be cancelled this year?By the author of MachoPoni and Faerie Brace-Face.
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A Very Bad Easter

A Very Bad Easter

Lotus Rose

Young Adult / Humor and Comedy / Science Fiction & Fantasy

A gory tale of a really really bad Easter. By the author of SinEaster and Faerie Brace-Face.Awesome Beauty Truesdale managed to barely graduate high school (with no maternal encouragement). The very day she turned eighteen, she was gone.After three long and lonely years on the streets, she seeks refuge at her Grammy’s door.Will Grammy take her in? At what cost? And, will either of the two godly men that have more than noticed her, pursue her romantically, or is she doomed to a repeat of her mother’s lonely, unfulfilled, tragic life? And, frankly, what’s up with this “Jesus stuff” that Grammy is so obsessed with?
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MachoPoni: A Prance With Death

MachoPoni: A Prance With Death

Lotus Rose

Young Adult / Humor and Comedy / Science Fiction & Fantasy

Product DescriptionIt's "My Little Pony" ... BIZARRO style! A long time ago Poniworld was split in two. On one side of the Jagged Line is the Pastel Kingdom, a magical land of music, parties, and positivity. On the other side of the Jagged Line is the Dark Kingdom inhabited by an army of undead ponies. Every pastel poni knows never to cross the Jagged Line into the Dark Kingdom. For if a pastel poni crosses that line, its colorful skin and hair will fade to a lifeless gray. It will lose its passion for singing and dancing. It will become one of the undead ponies. But one pastel poni has no choice but to enter the Dark Kingdom. His name is Machoponi-the wildest, friendliest, purplest, and, of course, the most macho of all the ponies. He must travel through the Dark Kingdom in order to rescue Dust, the poni he loves, from the dark princess's castle. Along the way, he must use wit, creativity and his bouncy blue ball to survive the Village of the Cuddlebears (who have porcupine quills and are not very cuddly), the Valley of the Flutterfly Ponies (winged ponies who have forgotten how to fly and bounce on a giant trampoline), and the Territory of the Chill-Aid Man (a giant anthropomorphic pitcher of red liquid who has the desperate need to punch through walls). A twisted parody of My Little Pony, The Care Bears, and other '80s childhood staples. From the AuthorHello, I'm lotus rose, the author of MachoPoni. I want to tell you why my book is so great, and why, if I weren't me, I'd purchase a copy. (You must understand, that since I wrote it, I already know how it ends.) I've always loved stuff like Alice in Wonderland and Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But hey, I'm more grown up now. But then I thought, why does that kind of stuff have to be just for kids? So I started developing a style of writing. More mature, but still with that playfulness and imagination that drew me to so-called "children's books." So I wrote MachoPoni. It's filled with drawings by the same artist who did the awesome cover. It's filled with songs and silliness. But it's not for little kids. It's for us teens and adults who used to be little kids. I'm very proud of this book, and I'd love for you all to read it. I encourage those who read it to write customer reviews, because it helps people decide whether it's something they'd want to read. And finally, I've set up a myspace account that provides all you need to know about Machoponi. It even has fan art! I can't put the link here, but you can google it! Take care, all.
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